You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
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