Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
