So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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