ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
