im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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