I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
