dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
