her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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