I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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