real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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