Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
