So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
