I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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