Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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