There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
