i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
