Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
