our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
