and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
