I'm really into asian looking animals
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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