Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
