we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
