my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
