It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
