Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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