I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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