i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
