i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
