May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
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