Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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