Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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