i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
