Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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