So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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