Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Randomize
