I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
