ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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