Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
