i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
