I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
