just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
