hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
