i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
