We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Four minutes until I can fart!
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
