I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
