I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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