It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
