Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
