oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
