We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Randomize
