We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
