We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
His hands were made for my vagina.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
