Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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