I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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