I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Of course I have a pirate flag
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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