You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Someone shit on the floor
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
