Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
