I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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