3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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