I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just sucked dick on a ferry
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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