I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
