your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
