Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
