he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im just a social blackout drinker.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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