Where did you get a picture of my penis
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
