so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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