i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
