How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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