I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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