Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Ketchup is God's man juice
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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