I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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