You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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