I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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